2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
