thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
