Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
