The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
