The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize