i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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