my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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