bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
