great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
