So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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