Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
