I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
