This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
