Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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