We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
