please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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