Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Floor bacon is actually really good
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
