Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize