I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
