Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
