Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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