I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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