you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
