OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
