It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
