Just fell off a train. Bad.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize