good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
