You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
