My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
