fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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