giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
