please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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