fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think your dad took our porno
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
