when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
should my penis look like a turkey
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
