Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
