Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize