She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
