I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We need a shit load of segways right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
