ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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