its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
