Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
