Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
