she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
