Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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