If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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