Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
