Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
