I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Buhtt sex?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
