the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize