The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
