have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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