yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
