I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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