Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
