Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize