it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
