You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize