when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
