a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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