Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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