Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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