I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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