I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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