I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
