Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
