Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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