I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
