the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
