do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
