Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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