had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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