nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize