They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You are the jesus of drinking
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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