The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
