I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
