belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
