Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
