We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
