Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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