return my video game
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
