i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
