I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize