sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
