Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
