i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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