I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
