I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
