When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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