Having a random hookup so left but love u
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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