i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
