There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
