you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
