my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
